Tag: wanderlust

  • Wanderlust or Wanderlost

    Wanderlust or Wanderlost

    Ru Paul says that if you can’t love yourself then how in the HEEEEELLL you gonna love someone else?!

    (Can I get an AMEN?!)

    I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear this, until some of my closest told me the same thing. I’ve always been a bit of a floater. I didn’t love myself because, well, I didn’t know myself – I was a bit… lost.

    After going through a period of self-assessment (having an identity crisis and reading lots of mindfulness books), I came to the conclusion as to why I have always felt a little lost, and for me, it came down to two factors.

    1. I don’t know what I want to do
    2. I don’t know where I want to be
    Looking for my purpose among the greenery

    Languages are my passion, and I think I speak for a lot of grads when I say after four years of learning a language (or two), my eyes were opened to the world, I had had the time of my life, and yet was left with z e r o idea of what to do with my honed skills and hungry attitude.

    If you check out my post on life right after graduation, you’ll know that this thirst to learn more (and earn more), led me to working in the city, before making the move to another – Madrid. Skip a few years, a few roles and a couple of moves (abroad) later, I felt richer in life experience, but somehow back in a similar position of not knowing what to do… The only thing that had remained a real constant was my love for languages, travel and of course, writing . I needed a little push in the right direction.

    “Yes that’s great and all, but WHO are you writing this for? WHO is your audience? WHO do you think will want to read what you write?”

    Ouch. The career adviser was hard-going, but I give it to her; she really made me think about what I wanted (in general) and also, what I wanted from my writing. Ergo here we are, with a concrete purpose and sense of direction; and this is the idea behind my blog; I’m writing for those twenty-somethings who haven’t quite figured out what life is about yet, except for the fact they would like to enjoy it for all it’s worth, working out the adult stuff along the way. For those who were or are a little lost in life. Also for anyone else who wants to come along for the ride that is my quarter-life crisis.

    There’s tales of woe, near-misses (flights) and heartbreak, but mainly mischief, friendships and adventure – everything a bestseller boasts.

    I’m pretty (100%) certain I suffer from imposter syndrome, and it’s something that I feel language learners in particular can relate to (Oh my god my accent doesn’t sound EXACTLY like the locals – they must think I’m an incompetent FOOL). This brings me onto my second issue – where do I belong? Being so exposed to another culture has made me question my own identity, and if I’m being honest, I don’t feel completely at home in one particular place, but rather, a mix of a few. Speaking to friends with a similar background, I don’t think I’m alone in this.

    I want this blog to be for these people too – those interested in travel, those who wish to travel more, those thinking of making ‘the move’, and those who are travelling but perhaps struggling with the hardships that come from being a ‘world citizen’. What do you do when you want to be everywhere at once? Where is your sense of belonging? Where does the line of integration cross the boundaries of your own identity?

    I found it!

    Learning a language and discovering new cultures is something that changes an individual, and I don’t think this is talked about enough; not enough people discuss the expat effect – I’m not talking about missing your builder’s tea and bourbons, or even the convenience of living in the same city as friends – I’m talking about the way a place can change you, your way of thinking, and whether this is something you should immerse yourself in or perhaps be wary of?

    From my experience, I can say the languages I’ve learnt and the cultures I’ve adapted to have enriched me immensely, in many areas, but I can’t deny that I’ve partly lost myself along the way. And should this be classed as a loss or is it simply personal development, or perhaps a psychological symptom of the travel bug?

    I think the key for me is striking the balance between being completely open and willing to adapt to a new culture, and keeping true to yourself and your beliefs at the same time. This is something I struggled with particularly when living abroad for a long amount of time, and I would love to hear if others have had a similar experience or a different one altogether (please comment and let me know!!)

    Wanderlost in Mexico: Monterrey, the city I called home for a while

    How do you accept that things are ‘the way they are’ in a new place without becoming trapped in the new mindset bubble – Do you really believe in this way of thinking, or are you just acting on what your current surroundings are portraying as the norm?

    How do you stay true to yourself while integrating into a new way of life?

    Accept or adapt altogether? How far do you go?

    How can you know who you are when who you are is always changing?

    Who feels more lost now than they did at the beginning of this post?

    This hot mess was brought to you by Sam’s Sunday evening breakdown special. You’ve been an incredible audience.

    If you made it this far, thank you for sticking with me on this journey – I think it’s safe to say that even though I now have more of a purpose (writing is the one – Yay!), I’m still a little wanderlost. And that’s ok! The more I travel, the more I discover about myself, and I’ve found this curiosity only fuels my desire to explore further.

    Please subscribe and stay tuned for more drama. I might even find the answers to some of these questions one day.

    Back to exploring
  • Falling In and Out of Love with My City

    Falling In and Out of Love with My City

    London. Blighty. The Big Smoke. And the place I will always call home.

    As much as I whine and moan (comes with the territory) about the horrendous weather, traffic, doom, gloom and to top it all off, the extortionate cost of living we have to endure, I will always love my city. It can be grey, gritty and at times not the friendliest of places, but it has that certain special something that no other city has; there is just none other quite like it.

    Living in the ‘burbs for most of my life meant that the illusion of going ‘up-town’ was still very much a thing – we were a 25 minute train-ride away, so it was close, but we still reaped the benefits of town tranquility that comes with bordering the Kentish countryside.

    Coming home for Easter and Christmas during my university days was always fun, and going into the city for the day (or boozy night-out) was always a thrill.

    Working in London left me with mixed feelings.

    Underground
    For the love of God please DO NOT STAND ON THE LEFT

    As mentioned in my previous post, the daily commute had gotten me down a tad, and going out for a couple of post-work drinkies was becoming less and less enjoyable because of this rat-race lifestyle.

    The trudge from Southeast London to East London everyday (put into perspective is no matter of distance at all), added at least a couple of extra hours onto my working day, and as a result, I took to looking for distractions, so the week would go by quicker, as sad as it sounds.

    Again, I wasn’t the only one.

    “I’m off to Pompey this weekend for a flat reunion, then next weekend I’m going out-out with the lot from home, then the week after we have team drinks, so I think I’m all good for this month. And of course in between that we have our lovely weekly catch-ups (booze-ups).”

    Porgeous and I were always trying to make the most of our weekends (and general space outside of working hours), because:

    1. It gave us something to look forward to, and
    2. Frankly if we didn’t, my life would have just been spreadsheets and staring at the back of a stranger’s head on the train.

    We were are young, we finally had a bit of extra dosh to enjoy, and we were determined to find the time to do so. So we did. And what fun we had.

     

     

    As we were welcomed into the week with Mojito Mondays, Tequila Fridays ushered us into the weekend with a not so gentle push, and lots of chat of Italian days in the sun and the trifles of London-living so far. A few Fridays of the month, we’d meet up with our fabulous Clare after work, another Modena darling, who had a flair for languages and the unbelievable skill of making a chilled cocktail or two turn into tequila debauchery and an unintentional Zoo Bar fiesta.  I couldn’t (still can’t) say no to the girl.

    The working week was long, but Chiquitos opened its doors to us (almost) every Friday, with it’s ridiculously tasty garlic bread, latino vibes and strong (the best kind) mixers. It provided as a welcoming refuge from the reality of the adult lives we were now living. A couple of drinks in and we’d already be talking about the places we used to go, the people we’d met on the way and how much we were in love with the continental way of doing things. Oh, how we wished for sunshine and longed for Europop-trash blaring on our radios once more!

    A few colourful beverages later and we were falling over ourselves laughing, it was just like our pre-drinks back in the day, only we’d swapped our backdrop for Friday night Leicester Square, which was now AT FULL BUZZ. It was around this time that I’d check my phone and realise how close to 12 it was, which normally meant me having to hastily leave then and there to catch the very last train home.

    “You can stay at mine Sam, my Grandma’s house is like a twenty minute walk from here”

    She said this every time, and every time I’d find myself waking up in Baker St the next morning, gossiping with Clare over a sugary cuppa and chuckling over laughs we’d all had in Chiquitos the night before. And I loved it. London can be so fun when you don’t have to make like Cinderella and flee the bar before midnight.

     

     

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    As surprising as it might sound, I also enjoyed London in the daytime! Weekends are gold-dust. I don’t think this is just applicable to my working life at the time, but in general. Whatever the job, wherever you are – Free time is ME time. For myself, it was a good opportunity to spend some time with the family, who I only saw during the week when I was crabby/stuffing my face with a cereal bar as I hurried to get out the door. It was also a good excuse to enjoy the city outside of the rush hour. And when it wasn’t raining, it was a rather pleasant place to be.

    For instance, one of my favourite spots in the city, despite being an obvious choice for tourists, is Covent Garden. Lined with street performers and crowds giving it the old OOOOH AHHHH, it may come as a surprise that this busy patch of London is actually right up my street – and it stands for everything I love. In the spring/summer at least. Windy streets leading up to the open piazza, a beautifully restored market, and a multitude of delightful (some extremely fancy) restaurants and bars, that on a sunny day, extend their invitation further by placing alluring seats outside. Just irresistible. Anything al fresco on a half-decent day and I’m sold.

    And that was just one of many pretty places in the city I liked to frequent. Exploring eateries mainly; that was my weekends covered. During the week, in between reading my books on the train and drinking umpteen cups of tea at the office (not a complaint, remember, there’s no team without tea), I set my Wednesdays aside for a midweek Italian meal with the Tripod. Georgina and Lacy are my two oldest and best friends, and even though all three of us have taken very different vocational paths in life, (animals, hospitals, banks), it has made our friendship all the more interesting.

    Neal's Yard
    Welcome to Neal’s Yard, Covent Garden, adding a splash of colour to the often monochromatic London.

    I would arrive at our favourite local eatery, La Cantina, umbrella normally in hand, to find Georgina sat at our table (we were regulars), ready for confirmation to order the bottle of Rose. A nod from the door indicated YES. Lacy also worked in the city, and we would normally arrive around the same time, ready to update Georgina on the state of the rail service that day. She in turn would share with us an outlandish but one hundred percent true story about her working day, involving angry kittens, scratches, and on one particularly crazy day, snakes.

    We would update each other on our weeks, how it was all going, but not just that; we’d discuss our aspirations, our long and short-term goals, and how, or rather what we were doing in terms of reaching them. We would build each other up, celebrate each others successes, those achievements big and small, and provide the laughs and pick me ups (and obviously tea too) when things weren’t going so well.

    I do remember one Wednesday in particular, and we’d all had just about enough. This tripod meeting was essential. Tomaso, the manager at the time, made sure we had our table, and at this point, he didn’t even have to ask. Either he knew us too well, or our faces said it all. Two minutes after we’d taken our seats, the Rosé found her place at the table too.

    The first sip helped release stress which had accumulated throughout the day, and after taking our turns to rant it out, we shared our concerns, offered suggestions, and munched over what could be done to make things better. The food was fantastic, and came second only to the company, which was always first-class.  We usually chatted for going on twenty minutes, all the while holding onto our menus, pretending we were going to order something other than our usual choice. Mussels to start, followed by a deceiving serving of spaghetti ai gamberetti , another bottle of rosé, and of course, a helpful portion of homemade tiramisu.

     

     

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    Dinner down the local Italian every week with a couple of old friends may sound tediously conventional to some – on the contrary, these evenings were anything but. There were cackles, insanely descriptive and animated storytelling and the odd cheeky reference to days of Yore (aka primary school). These nights gave me such pleasure, especially when the working week made it more difficult to fit in gym nights, and quick pints, let alone a meaningful dinner out with friends.

    We’d gotten onto the topic of my life’s purpose.

    “What do you want to do then Sammy?”

    “I really miss living abroad.”

    “Are you thinking of leaving the UK again?”

    “Yes.”

    Every time I said it out aloud, the possibility became more real, and the girls only spurred me on to try and turn the idea into an actual plan. My problem was that I was more theory than practice.

    Fed up with London, I had previously booked a ticket to visit Ali, my girl from Galicia, who was currently studying for a Masters in Barcelona. Since I’d started my Canary Wharf career I’d not had a holiday, save for a sweet weekend away in Pompey, and I felt like it was needed. A break – from work, the grey surroundings, and my own ranting; and also an opportunity to see what life might be like should I choose to go ahead with my **dream**.

    Carry-on case packed, out-of-office email set, off I went to Barca.

    When I came back, it had been decided. The job search had actively begun, and Spain was the destination once more.

    I’d found my motivation.

    And to think, four days in the sunshine was all it took.

    The Decision-maker. Barcelona, 2015.

  • This is a story about my massive red suitcase with flowers on it that nearly fell apart but didn’t aka Ode to a faithful friend

    This is a story about my massive red suitcase with flowers on it that nearly fell apart but didn’t aka Ode to a faithful friend

    Hello

    It’s been a while

    …and already talking in clichés

    For those of you who know me, you might be thinking “where has she been?”, “Sam, you have a blog?” or “Did she ever make it through Italy without turning into Big Momma?”

    To that I will say: 1. Read on 2. Yes, unbelievable I know! 3. No, no I did not. The pastries got me, and yes, they GOT ME GOOD.

    It’s been a good long while since I last wrote and I can’t help but get frustrated at myself for not having put pen to paper or rather finger to keyboard sooner. Writing I realised is one of the things I love to do most, and it seems I also get some kind of weird kick out of putting my thoughts into words; reading them later and  proceeding to cringe so unbelievably hard at what I published willingly.

    So here we go!

    First of all, there are few things I should let you in on since I last posted.

    1. I graduated!
    2. I joined the real world and had a 9-5 job in London
    3. I left said real world job and London
    4. I am no longer in the UK
    5. I am no longer in Europe

    And this is the story of how my now rickety, battered, and barely together suitcase and I decided to go against the status quo and sort of go a bit everywhere.

    So there she sits in the corner of my room; a bit dusty, a lot broken. Not quite neglected but she’s definitely seen better days; she also definitely used to have 4 working wheels…

    The last trip was to be the final one, but I have a feeling it might not be. Her once brilliant red shines still among beaten patches. The last flight was a bit touch and go but with enough optimism, positivity, blessed thoughts, prayers and insane amounts of cellophane, she made the journey. Her outer pocket’s stitching once baring the full brunt of 20 plus kilograms (without a doubt more than what was permitted)  is in now questionable condition, but nevertheless she sits there proudly, her flowers only slightly faded, her big rainbow band casually rested on her handle, just there in case the moment should come, and it will.

    My friend since those Erasmus days; many a travel we’ve shared together and many a fight we’ve had; with fellow passengers, bus drivers, scales and each other.

    Her journey began in Granada, saving me in my hour of need (how does someone collect so much STUFF in 5-6 months/why won’t it all fit?!/where am I gonna put my rice-cooker? *panics*) and ever since, she’s accompanied me on many a weekend escapade/family visit/new adventure.

    So here we are now, in Mexico.

    Bit of a switch-up, but like Dad said “You always have to be different,don’t you?”